Sunday, July 29, 2012

Thank Goodness for Jesus Handles

I guess I should say I'm not dissing religion in my title. I don't know about anywhere else in the world but Jesus handles is a pretty common saying here in Australia and since we poke fun at just about anything I'm going with it. Also there is something a bit rude at the bottom of my post too. I figured if I was going to offend anyone with my religious reference I may as well go for a two-fer and upset people with mild porn while I was at it. 

There are milestones that we commonly share throughout life. Learning to walk , starting kindergarten, getting your pen license in Year 3. Starting high school, and having your first kiss. One of the major rites of passage in young  adult  life is getting your drivers licence. It means you can give public transport the bird. And it means your parents have another thing to worry about and that their petrol bill is going to increase by at least 100%. 

On Thursday Miss P got her learners permit. She didn't get it first go (or even the second) but  I was very proud that she persevered until she had achieved her goal. Sometimes it's easy to give up, but the things we want are really worth going for. No matter how long it takes. 

On Saturday I went out and bought L Plates and a crash helmet because today I took her for her first driving lesson. I also banned her from watching any Formula 1 racing for the last week in case she tried to emulate Mark Webber. 


She did a great job and I think doubling my dose of anti- anxiety medication prior to the lesson was a stroke of pure genius. And crushing some up and putting it in her morning coffee seemed to help her too.

With my whole "anything you really want is worth working for" speech ringing in my own ears I decided to brave making whoopie pies again this afternoon. And you know what ? I think I nailed it. Finally- whoopie pies that aren't the size of baseballs or that can be used as Chinese throwing stars. 


The week that saw me absent from Blog land also saw me finish all the blocks for the selvage quilt. 


And  a second pair of yellow pants that you need to wear shades to look at directly lest you be blinded so Little P could play at being Fireman Sam. 


One of the roadkill rescue ottomans got a makeover this weekend. 


 Stapler gun + cushion covers= gorgeousness 



Finally,  the reason most of you scrolled down to the bottom of this post as soon as I mentioned porn ...I was in Spotlight shopping yesterday and saw a totally new section. I waddled over there as fast as a middle aged woman can waddle but trust me it was a lot less exciting than the sign led me to believe. 


Enjoy your week!

P.S. In case you're wondering about the title ...here's an explanation of Jesus handles. 

42 comments:

Cardygirl said...

What a hoot...all the elements of a great post...fast cars (?), fast cookware(?) and a fabulous footstool!!! Love it!

Helsie said...

Seems you certainly have nailed the whoopie pies and your week has been very productive on many fronts.
Cheers

Jackie said...

After a couple of sessions with my sons when they were first learning to drive I decided it was best to turn that activity over to someone else. I don't think any medication in the world would have made that better for me. What's an L Plate?

The ottoman looks fantastic!

Helen said...

Great post, as usual! Love the ottomans - gosh, everyone had those in the "old" days!

I think I have been very clever.... my boy is now 18 and 6 months and is STILL on L's! and yet to have a real driving lesson! I'm trying to keep him OFF the roads until he grows up:-)

Suzan said...

In my neck of the woods they are called "Oh sh##!" handles. (In cars in which I am a passenger they are "grab it and haul your fat a$$ out of the car" handles.
I attempted to teach my sons how to drive. I screamed, held on to the dashboard as if it were a life preserver on the Titanic and tried to shove my feet through the floor of the car attempting to "help" brake. Not pretty and only one time out. (Why my children still love me is beyond me most of the time!) You are a brave soul and I congratulate your ability to rise above the fear.

Suzan said...

As for the Cokware...were you expecting silly, little hats?

Marie said...

those are "granny handles" .. love the ottoman !!!!

Pokey said...

I guess we have all had to use those handles, I've heard granny handles, also, but I definitely know and understand the feeling!
Glad she's learning to drive, you may need to invest in driver's Education, do you have that down there? Anyway, we gave Lydia the classes THREE TIMES, for various reasons, and truthfully, she is one of the best drivers I know.
So, pass the whoopie pies around, love those fireman's pants (and he is so proud!), I think you may need to make a pair for the whole P. family... wouldn't that be a sight?
:-}pokey

Ann Marie @ 16 Muddy Feet said...

We call those "Oh Shit" handles around these parts. They are only in the Jeep, and and you hope when you let go that your not upside down in the middle of the woods in the middle of a mudhole in the middle of the night 20 miles from civilization with no trees around to use the winch to upright yourself. So far we have been lucky always to have at least one wheel on the ground so then everyone leans the other way till all 4 hit the ground again. I cant believe that someone actually hung that sign in the store missing the "O". LOL!

Shevvy said...

I wonder what you were hoping to find in the cokware shop?

Rings, bells, various bejewelled and bedazzled items?

Sara said...

I had never heard of them as Jesus handles, but then, I'd never really heard of them as anything really. I did complain, quite loudly, to everyone when it turned out my car didn't have one, but I think I referred to them as "you know, that little fold out handle thingie that's on the inside at the side of the roof just above the door. You know, that thing.." but you're right, Jesus handles is much more succinct.

Razzle Dazzle Quilter said...

Oh golly that is a bit racy for spotlight!!!
Love your ottoman cover? Did you do all that quilting.
Fantastic effect.
Cheers
Linda

Cynthia L. said...

Is the cokware isle the isle that you found the butt floss in? I always knew you Aussies were a bit crazy.

It took my daughter 2 times to pass her driving test. The first time she failed, because she didn't know how to turn the lights on and off! I was her teacher! Fail for me!

Love the ottoman and the quilt squares. You have been busy for being AWOL!

Katy Cameron said...

Loving your ottoman redo, and hey, you pay per letter for those signs you know, and with that logo there wasn't room for it anyway ;o)

Rachaeldaisy said...

Priceless!! I wonder how long it will stay there! Love your ottoman makeover!!! Those selvedge blocks look great. Huge congrats to miss P for getting her Ls!!

P. said...

Too funny! Around here, it's the "oh shit bar." What on earth is a pen license? The ability to write cursive in ink? It took me a minute with the last photo...some proofreader I am. The ottoman is fab, and congrats for finishing the selvage blocks!

Diane-crewe said...

you are very brave to take her out for a lesson! both mine had to make do with instrucors who were PAID for the white knuckle drive!!

Sue SA said...

Yep I cannot spell, completely missed the sign error until I read everyone else's comments! Just love the Ottoman (are they named that after the former empire or the nice man that owns the Bernina shop in Walkerville?) and its new cover. A very nice trampoline for a small man in yellow pants...opps did I suggest that!

TexPat said...

Your little guy & those yellow pants...adorable! I have 5 yr old GS who LOVES costumes - he even had one from the Wiggles a couple of years ago. Now it's Star Wars, Spiderman, and Thor. I love the ottoman re-do - you did a great job!! Oh, by the way, my youngest daughter is named Shay!!

Jennifer said...

Luuurve that footstool, I love me an ottoman.....must check my local Spotties to see if they have a porn section too! Go Miss P! (but not too fast.....)

Susan said...

Thanks for the Monday morning laugh!

AnnieO said...

And you're in fine fettle once again for posting hilarity--thanks for that! I've never heard of Jesus handles, not sure I'm brave enough to click the link...

Your cushion cover is gorgeous!!!Love the stitching enhancement.

Typos like that sign are so confoundingly fun.

Little P and Miss P sure keep you busy!

Marg said...

Congratulations to Miss P on getting her L's. Glad there was no need for the crash helmet or neck brace, well done, Miss P.
Love the ottoman, those cushion covers look fabulous, and you are an olympic medallist when it comes to staple guns!
Now why doesn't my local Spotlight have anything as racy as Cokware.

Shocking Hocking said...

love the ottoman - fantastic idea to use that kantha inspired fabric - and as for the cokware - hahahahahah

thea said...

You just have to love that whoever put the sign up in Spotlight didn't say anything .. everyone must be in stitches.

Glad I read about the Jesus handles, cuz I would have had no idea what they were. My kids all got their licenses at 16 and I did tons of riding with them. The best was when they learned stick shift ... I can't tell you how many lights I've sat through with them trying to get the car in gear.

The ottoman is beautiful. Lot's of completions and progress.

Lorraine said...

you are braver than I! .....driving with the kids on their "L's" was really stressful....probably more so for them actually......I clung to the Jesus handles and pushed my foot on that imaginary brake the whole time .....and being the control freak that I am it was really hard to sit there and have none! Love your ottoman cover...nice work! Little P is getting so big!!! are you are encoraging the fireman thing so you can take him for a visit to a fire station and check out the grown up firey's....???

Kirsten's Cooking said...

I am so envious of that ottoman. You did a fabulous job!!!!

Over here we get our drivers license at 16....what is the age there? I'm assuming Miss P just waited a bit longer???

Sorry again about the grocery disappointment!:)

Dianne Neale said...

The ottomon looks wonderful. Will you be doing a tutorial? Thanks for making me laugh!

Amanda said...

Got a tell you I have never heard of Jesus Handles before thanks for enlightening me. Love the spotlight porn, he he, just shows the calibre of shop assistants they employ. Your ottoman is wonderful. My first and last driving lesson with my dad lasted exactly 500m where I got out of the car and told him he could drive us home. When I got my license he decided it was correct procedure to sit in the passenger seat with his hand on the handbrake, he almost got put on the curb for that indiscretion.... you can see I get on well with him lol and the reasons I paid for driving lessons from a proper instructor. Mum was much easier to drive with and I practiced on her.

Karen said...

Awesome! p.s. adore the roadkill makeover too

Jindi's Cottage said...

Well done Miss P...next step change those "L"s into the more appropriate "P"...after all she is Miss "P"!...one hour down, 119 to go! (do you have the 120 hour rule in SA?)...
The road kill ottoman looks fabulous, awesome staple gun work there...

Brenda said...

That ottoman is divine!!!! Love the porn, you can spot it a mile away, I see. (And we call those "Oh, shit handles" here in America)

Marti said...

The whoopie pies look great. How did they taste? I've never made any, but those look good, I might have to try it.

So funny about the driver license. Gee that seems like ages ago for me. I can attribute most of my gray hair to driver education. lol

What is a pen license?

Kate said...

Love the yellow pants! Little P makes a wonderful fireman.

The whoopie pies look yummie and your new footstool is inspired.

Elizabeth said...

OK, I have to admit, I was a little worried when I read the porn advisory warning, but I think that typo is HILARIOUS and there's less porn in that than Dancing With the Stars or Glee. Phew.

We call them "oh crap" handles here, or, if you're OK with swears, then you can use the "s" word instead.

That Little P. He's so adorable. Can he have a sleepover at my house? I know my kids would love to have him over. Actually, you can send him for Grandma Week (part 2), which is coming up here in two weeks. Grasshopper will make it his personal mission to make sure Little P has a good time. I'm sure of it. Plus, with the his little Aussie accent, he'll have us all wrapped around his little finger.

LoVE the roadkill ottoman! You did a great job with it! Those are great fabrics and an awesome finish! Thank you for linking up!

xo -E

Samantha said...

Love the ottoman!

I've always called them Jesus handles too. And yes I have had a couple of people get super offended when I did, but it was MY car and I was driving so they got over it since they didn't want to walk. :D

Leslie said...

YOU ARE SO FUNNY SO FUNNY SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my GOSH the porn photo made me laugh SO much! How do I go a day without seeing your blog? I don't know how I survive those days!!!!!!!!

Go Miss P! (But not too fast).

And that little Fireman is growing. STOP IT!

Kris said...

Hmm, I'm not laughing with this post and that's because I still have MANY children still to do the driving thing! Mrs 27 only got her P's last year. (She took lots of tries to get her L's, she has a test phobia) She took her drivers test whilst 40 weeks pregnant. Her instructor said they were going for the sympathy/freaked out by nearly delivering pregnant woman which would counteract her test phobia. He was right! And yeah, it's 120 hours of driving here in Victoria. No. 4 doesn't have her P's, but she left home three years ago so I'm hoping I'm safe there (stop laughing!!!) No. 6 has his L's but uncharacteristically for a boy has no interest in cars or driving. (They're killing machines Mum, what kind of person do you think I am?) No. 7 hits the L's age next year (I'm hoping she'll be too busy with yr 12!) and No. 8 is still just hoping to be taller than me! (Something he will achieve any minute now I think. His brothers did when they were 11, he doesn't want to be beaten by them!) I know, I know. This is the price I pay for having 8 kids. Hope the driving lessons go well!

Anonymous said...

Hey I love your poof and cokware gotta get me some of that too, lol....stay calm and drive on.

Nanci said...

Have been watching Olympics, so was spot on with your photo (porn) at the end....did you buy? that could be the sign attractions.
Love the rescue ottoman...am going back to watch the Os now that the Aussie men won k4 and were interviewed on Canadian tv....not American who only mostly show old stuff and Americans mostly too.

Vesuviusmama said...

Hey, I recognize some of those selvages! Very cool!

Sooli said...

Having survived eldest son's learner driver period (with somewhat more grey hairs than I started with I'm sure), my tip is to get yourself to the motor accessory shop (a foreign place to you as it was for me I'm sure) and get yourself a second, suction cap rear vision mirror to stick on your side of the windscreen. Who knew they even had these things? Best thing I ever bought as I knew exactly what he could see in his mirror and didn't have to keep turning around. Saved me much angst!